"Vikings"

(Ye Olde Awkwarde Family Photo.)



This month, the History Channel finally admitted that everything it does is fiction by adding an explicitly-fictional show to its line of programs about men crossing their arms in front of things. VIKINGS purports to document the first Viking raids on the lands "to the west" and the political turmoil at home.



I watched two episodes with the intent to review, because it looked like it had potential to be pulpy fun, at least. By twenty minutes into the pilot, I realized time was actually moving backwards; the cactus on my desk slowly undied, leaves jumped back onto the trees, and still Gabriel Byrne continued speaking, trying to ignore the clip-on salt-and-papper extension he allowed to touch only the back of his hair. I watched the second episode to see if it was just a case of Pilot-itis; by the end of it I was in third grade again.



All the "opening dialogue in native tongue" bits in the world can't cover up the fact that this is a show adrift (get it?!) that can't manufacture dramatic tension. The best things out of the first two episodes are the pilot's scenery shots, and the kid who plays Bjorn (Nathan O'Toole), who shows some naturalism and comic timing that's unexpected and welcome.



He is perhaps the only person in the cast who seems wholly comfortable; Travis Fimmel's Ragnar is too busy carrying the sinking show on his shoulders, Katheryn Winnick is too busy not having much to do as Lagertha, the show's designated sex-scene partner who's sexually menaced twice in the pilot and gets naggy because she had to give up her raiding career (topical! Topical? Stay-at-home-shieldmaidens, amirite?). Too bad, because she misses a raid on a monastery filled with historically-believable grizzled monks, and a boyband member who escapes the sword. What's the master plan? Threesome invites, it looks like. Also history and stuff, I guess. Quick, more halfhearted subplots!



Though it's nice to have my cactus back, I will not be watching any more Vikings. Instead, enjoy this summary of the show in song; it's about as dramatically engaging, and it's eighty-seven minutes shorter.







via Genevieve Valentine (author unknown) http://glvalentine.livejournal.com/366130.html